Category Archives: Random Jokes

Really funny

Grab your thinking cap

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. – Abba Eban

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.

A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.

A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.

A crisis is when you cannot say “let’s just forget the whole thing.”

Dry jokes

All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.

Always hire a rich attorney.

Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn’t work out.

Always listen to experts. They’ll tell what can’t be done and why. Then do it.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!

Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!

Ambiguity is invariant.

 

Gee Ain't I Smart^ I'll Bet Some of You Other ...

Equation of earnings

The Equation

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,

Work = Power * Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

Work = Knowledge * Money

Solving for Money, we get:

 
Work

 

Money = ———-

 

Knowledge

 

Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Bates (if you call Gates am not there) dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.

Trouble with wife

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that’s when the fight started…